Jasne jak słońce. Clear as the sun. (Clear as day.)

Waiting.  I've never been patience,  any patience I have for the day is gone before I take a second breath.  So my days are characterized by how annoyed I get, multiplied by the number of people I encounter each day.

For the last four years my health has been an issue.  This adds to the anxiety.

Initially I was diagnosed with asthma.  When you can't take more than ten steps without gasping for breath it seemed the answer.  When we got to three inhalers over a period of a couple of years it didn't seem to be much of an answer.  The steroids tripled my weight which only exacerbated the problem. 

For me it goes back further to the gall bladder surgery.  I was bloated, gassy not able to walk upright due to the pain. Seems like a continuing series of unfortunate events since that fateful decision.

So now I have it.  I have a weak heart...to defib or not defib, that is the question.  The medication is beyond poison.  I am more lightheaded on the medication, and its hard to convince myself to take it since nothing they have come up with a dose that has been effective in slowing down my runaway heart.